I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
