I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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