i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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