According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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