Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
