i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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