I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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