I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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