I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
