so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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