So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
