4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
