And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
