I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
