Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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