My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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