I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
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I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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