I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
being pregnant is like rehab
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am mentally ready for anal.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize