this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
