All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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