so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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