I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
