I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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