Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
