So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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