I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
