I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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