my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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