guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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