3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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