how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
