I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We need a shit load of segways right now
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize