I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
