Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
