Apparently you make a good broom.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
