They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
