You can't motorboat a personality
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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