Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
do herpes really smell.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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