Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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