That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize