No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
