did you get engaged???
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
