Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
