yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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