You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
