did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
