i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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