whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
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this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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