If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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