Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
