two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
