party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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