apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
