she looked like the before picture.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
