never play flip cup with pint glasses
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
