Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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