i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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