while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
