so that wasnt chicken after all
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
