You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
