so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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