Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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