I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
