Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
