Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
