Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
